i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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