i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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