She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
