I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
