Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You made out with two different species that night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
