dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
