and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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