on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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