Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need water and some morals
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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