I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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