I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
