I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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