phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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