You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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