How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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