You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The feeling are messing with the penis
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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