I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
