he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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