every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
