His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wear drunk well.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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