i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I did not marry a roomba.
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