and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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