Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
