omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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