You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
