I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
