I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
