I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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