While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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