Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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