So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
