It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
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Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
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My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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