shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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