The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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