Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
