But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
