I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
