Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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