Kiss
Puke
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
