i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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