Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't turn off my feet"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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