That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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