Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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