Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
