You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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