he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
