I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
