I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just cut my nipple shaving
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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