So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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