People in love make me want to vomit
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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