everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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