She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
