he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
