direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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