I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
