So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize