i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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