you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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